Brian Kelly vs. His 2016 Opposing Head Coaches

Brian Kelly will go toe-to-toe with 12 other college football coaches this season. How do each of those guys stack up when compared to Irish fans’ fearless leader?

Fans of football-sports of the college variety are itching for the season to begin in a little over two months, so I figured I would type up a quick analysis of all of the coaches Brian Kelly will face during the upcoming 2016 Notre Dame football season.

I was hoping to compare each and every one of them to BK, and so I’ve taken the lot of them and placed them into categories. This also sort of turned into a “let’s see how funny of a picture I can find of each coach” article, so there’s also that to look forward to. Let’s proceed.

Worse than Brian Kelly

This category is pretty straightforward. I think these coaches are lesser coaches than Brian Kelly, and I have thus placed them in this tier. Let’s get to know the guys who shouldn’t (but knowing the Fighting Irish, they very well might) give ND any trouble this season!

Ken Niumatalolo – Navy Midshipmen

Dec 13, 2014; Baltimore, MD, USA; Navy Midshipmen head coach Ken Niumatalolo screams at the band to stop playing during the fourth quarter of the 115th annual Army-Navy game against the Army Black Knights at M&T Bank Stadium. Navy Midshipmen defeated Army Black Knights 17-10. Mandatory Credit: Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 68-37 (0.648)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 2-6
Bowl/Playoff Record: 4-4
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: 2009 Texas, 2013 Armed Forces, 2014 Poinsettia, 2015 Military
Defining Feature in This List: One of six people (no one else on this list) featured in a documentary film titled <em>Meet the Mormon

Explanation: He’s a very good coach for what Navy wants to do, which is to say, to manage a triple option team to moderate success and the occasional good season, like in 2015. His 2-6 record is pretty strong considering his predecessors’ inability to beat Notre Dame for decades, but overall he definitely belongs in a tier below Kelly.

Jeff Monken – Army Black Knights

Nov 14, 2015; West Point, NY, USA; Army Black Knights head coach Jeff Monken talks to his defense during a timeout against the Tulane Green Wave during the first half at Michie Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Danny Wild-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 6-18 (0.250)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-0
Bowl/Playoff Record: 0-0
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: None
Defining Feature in This List: Lost 3 straight years as head coach in FCS Semifinals (2010-2012)

Explanation: Monken saw considerable success at the FCS level and that success was the major reason that Georgia Southern made the jump into the FBS. However, his Army teams have obviously left a lot to be desired, and although they’ve come close the past couple years, have yet to unseat Navy in the battle for the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy. He might be slowly righting the ship for Army, but I don’t see him ever taking them to another level from where they are now. One thing he has going for him, though? That awesome sneer he’s got going on in the picture above. So vicious.

Brian Polian – Nevada Wolfpack

Dec 29, 2015; Tucson, AZ, USA; The face of Nevada Wolf Pack head coach Brian Polian is visible through the trophy as he celebrates following the game against the Colorado State Rams in the Arizona Bowl at Arizona Stadium. Nevada defeated Colorado State 28-23. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 18-20 (0.474)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-0
Bowl/Playoff Record: 1-1
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: 2015 Arizona
Defining Feature in This List: Was Charlie Weis’ special teams coordinator at ND; Also, LOOK AT THIS PICTURE I FOUND OF HIM STARING INTO A MAGIC CRYSTAL!!!!

Explanation: His special teams work at Notre Dame was nothing to write home about, and his time at Nevada so far has been unremarkable, if not less-than-mediocre. Nevada was a bigger threat out west in the Colin Kaepernick days, but now, with Polian at the helm, they don’t seem poised for any major victories anytime soon.

Just Slightly Worse than Brian Kelly

These are the coaches on the 2016 schedule who are also worse than Brian Kelly, but they’re pretty dang good and deserve to be arbitrarily set apart from the coaches in the tier presented before this one.

Dave Doeren – NC State Wolfpack

Sep 12, 2015; Raleigh, NC, USA; North Carolina State Wolfpack head coach Dave Doeren (red) leads his team onto the field prior to a game against the Eastern Kentucky Colonels at Carter Finley Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Rob Kinnan-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 41-24 (0.631)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-0
Bowl/Playoff Record: 2-1
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: 2011 GoDaddy.com, 2014 St. Petersburg
Defining Feature in This List: Won a bowl in 2014 that I didn’t personally know existed

Explanation: Dave Doeren was very impressive at Northern Illinois, and the Huskies won a lot of games under his tutelage. However, since making the jump to NC State, the turnaround has been slow, if not nonexistent. NC State isn’t the easiest job in the country, especially considering where the program was when he took over, but it doesn’t look like the Wolfpack will be too dangerous in the ACC for the foreseeable future. Nevertheless, rock on Dave Doeren.

David Cutcliffe – Duke Blue Devils

Jul 21, 2015; Pinehurst, NC, USA; Duke Blue Devils head coach David Cutcliffe speaks with the media during the ACC football kickoff at Pinehurst Resort. Mandatory Credit: Jeremy Brevard-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 92-82 (0.529)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-0
Bowl/Playoff Record: 5-4
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: 2003 Cotton Bowl
Other Bowl Victories: 1998 Independence, 1999 Independence, 2002 Independence, 2015 Pinstripe
Defining Feature in This List: Very good at winning Independence Bowls; also was hired to be assistant head coach and quarterbacks coach at ND after his stint at Ole Miss, but never coached a season there due to health problems

Explanation: Cutcliffe was moderately successful back in the day at Ole Miss, and since taking over at Duke he has certainly overachieved considering the fact that he is coaching Duke in a non-basketball sport. However, his overall record as a coach is barely over 0.500 and I can’t possibly see him or his Blue Devils being a threat to the Fighting Irish, despite the ominous pose he struck for the picture above.

Same Level as Brian Kelly

This is the group that I think best displays the coaches who are of the same level of talent as our beloved coach. It’s not a big list, for better or for worse.

Charlie Strong – Texas Longhorns

Oct 10, 2015; Dallas, TX, USA; Texas Longhorns head coach Charlie Strong celebrates with the golden hat trophy after a victory against the Oklahoma Sooners during Red River rivalry at Cotton Bowl Stadium. Texas beat Oklahoma 24-17. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 48-30 (0.615)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-1
Bowl/Playoff Record: 3-3
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: 2012 Sugar Bowl
Other Bowl Victories: 2010 Beef ‘O’ Brady’s, 2013 Russell Athletic
Defining Feature in This List: Was a member of the Phi Beta Sigma fraternity, which means nothing to me because I know nothing about fraternities; also was an assistant coach at ND under Lou Holtz and Bob Davie

Explanation: I really like Charlie Strong. I think his Louisville teams were incredibly strong, and loved seeing his 2012 team stomp Florida in the Sugar Bowl. I also really like the no-nonsense approach he’s taken to clean up the mess Mack Brown left at Texas, and although the Longhorns are far from being great again (and hopefully still won’t stand much of a threat to the Irish in 2016), I think Strong will have them back to form in just a couple years, especially considering the turbulence at Baylor and the myriad talented recruits to pick from in the Lone Star State. Also, how can any recruit say no to a hat like that (see amazing picture of Charlie above)?

Brian Kelly – Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Jan 1, 2016; Glendale, AZ, USA; Notre Dame Fighting Irish head coach Brian Kelly against the Ohio State Buckeyes during the 2016 Fiesta Bowl at University of Phoenix Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 108-45 (0.706)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: Hard to say
Bowl/Playoff Record: 5-4
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: 2006 International, 2007 Papajohns.com, 2010 Sun, 2013 Pinstripe, 2014 Music City
Defining Feature in This List: Attended the same high school as Pat Connaughton, Bo Burnham, and my dad

Explanation: This was pretty much a no-brainer. I think Brian Kelly is coaching at the EXACT same level as Brian Kelly right now. This just makes sense.

Better than Brian Kelly

These are the coaches who are definitely better coaches than Brian Kelly and who I would expect to out-coach him more often than not, especially over the course of a season.

David Shaw – Stanford Cardinal

Dec 26, 2015; Anaheim, CA, USA; Iowa Hawkeyes coach Kirk Ferentz (left) and Stanford Cardinal coach David Shaw (right) pose with Mickey Mouse during press conference prior to the 102nd Rose Bowl at the Disney California Adventure Park. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 54-14 (0.794)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 3-2
Bowl/Playoff Record: 3-2
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: 2012 Rose Bowl, 2015 Rose Bowl
Other Bowl Victories: 2014 Foster Farms
Defining Feature in This List: Still thinks Stepfan Taylor got in even though he very clearly didn’t; also played football, basketball, and ran track for Stanford as a student athlete from 1991 to 1994

Explanation: His record and Rose Bowl victories speak for themselves, as does his slight edge over Kelly in head-to-head match-ups. Many expected Stanford to fall off once Andrew Luck and Jim Harbaugh left, and even attributed Shaw’s early success to the program Harbaugh built. But Shaw has maintained the success beyond Harbaugh’s recruits, showing he is a fantastic coach and able to win big games. Do I love his personality or want the guy to coach ND? No. But is he a very talented coach and a constant threat to win the Pac 12 and compete for a Playoff spot? Absolutely.

Mark Richt – Miami Hurricanes

Oct 10, 2015; Knoxville, TN, USA; Georgia Bulldogs head coach Mark Richt looks up prior to the game against the Tennessee Volunteers at Neyland Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 145-51 (0.740)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-0
Bowl/Playoff Record: 9-5
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: 2002 Sugar Bowl, 2007 Sugar Bowl
Other Bowl Victories: 2003 Capital One, 2004 Outback, 2006 Chick-fil-A, 2008 Capital One, 2009 Independence, 2012 Capital One, 2014 Belk
Defining Feature in This List: Appeared in the movie Facing the Giants; also, as QB coach and then Offensive Coordinator at FSU, had two QBs win Heisman (Charlie Ward, Chris Weinke)

Explanation: He has a great bowl record, including two BCS bowl wins, and oversaw a long string of successful teams in the most competitive, cutthroat conference in the country. Did his teams fail to ever reach the summit, especially in his final years in Athens? You betcha. But his overall record, for that length of time, is stellar, and his presence in the ACC will mean a rising Hurricanes program and a looming opponent to fear every season that Miami spends on Notre Dame’s schedule.

Mark Dantonio – Michigan State Spartans

Oct 24, 2015; East Lansing, MI, USA; Michigan State Spartans head coach Mark Dantonio and Indiana Hoosiers head coach Kevin Wilson talk on sidelines prior to a game at Spartan Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 105-50 (0.677)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 3-4
Bowl/Playoff Record: 5-5
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: 2013 Rose Bowl, 2014 Cotton Bowl
Other Bowl Victories: 2004 Forth Worth, 2011 Outback, 2012 Buffalo Wild Wings
Defining Feature in This List: Only coach on the list to give himself a heart attack after beating ND on a questionably-allowed fake field goal

Explanation: Irish fans could point to Brian Kelly’s 4-3 advantage in head-to-head games against Dantonio and question why I place Dantonio above him. That, along with his success largely coming against an ever-weakening Big Ten, definitely brings his rating down a bit in my eyes. However, he hasn’t just beaten up on bad Big Ten teams in his time at MSU. Instead, he’s faced down Urban Meyer, David Shaw, Art Briles, etc., and put together the type of defense that any ND fan, whether they be traditional smashmouth football fans or not, would love to see in South Bend. Dantonio is one of the better coaches in college football, and his recent success, especially with teams that don’t have nearly the amount of talent Notre Dame teams have, speaks to that.

Hard to Say – Wildcards

I don’t even know, I’m not competent enough to rank these guys somewhere in these probably very flawed groups.

Justin Fuente – Virginia Tech Hokies

Nov 29, 2014; Memphis, TN, USA; Memphis Tigers head coach Justin Fuente and his wife after the game against the Connecticut Huskies at Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium. Memphis Tigers beat Connecticut Huskies 41-10. Mandatory Credit: Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 26-23 (0.531)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-0
Bowl/Playoff Record: 1-0
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: 2014 Miami Beach
Defining Feature in This List: Played in the Arena Football League

Explanation: Fuente took just a few years to completely turn around a terrible Memphis program and have them somehow in contention for a Playoff spot for a majority of the 2015 season. Virginia Tech noticed this and subsequently made him the successor to a legend in Frank Beamer. It’s tough to say if Fuente is the man for that job or if he is destined to fail in the shadow of a longtime local hero. However, what he did at Memphis makes me think the Hokies could be an interesting program over the next few years, so I will have to wait and observe on this one.

Clay Helton – USC Trojans

Nov 29, 2014; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Southern California Trojans offensive coordinator Clay Helton before the game against the Notre Dame Fighting Irish at Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 6-4 (0.600)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-1
Bowl/Playoff Record: 1-1
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: 2013 Las Vegas
Defining Feature in This List: Has won a Pac 12 division championship despite not having coached a full season yet

Explanation: Helton took over last season after Steve Sarkisian’s issues and departure left the program in a state of discombobulation. He steered the ship valiantly in a difficult situation, but he was definitely not impressive at the forefront of such an iconic(ally disgusting) program. He hasn’t coached enough games for me to make a call on him, but once the Irish beat him and his team in Los Angeles in November, I’ll let you all know just how much worse than BK he is. #BeatSC

Dino Babers – Syracuse Orange

Dec 7, 2015; Syracuse, NY, USA; Syracuse Orange head coach Dino Babers speaks with the media during a press conference at the Ferguson Football Auditorium. Mandatory Credit: Rich Barnes-USA TODAY Sports /

FBS Head Coaching Record: 18-9 (0.667)
Head-to-Head Record Against BK @ ND: 0-0
Bowl/Playoff Record: 1-0
BCS Bowl/Playoff/New Year’s Six Victories: None
Other Bowl Victories: 2014 Camellia
Defining Feature in This List: He easily has the best name of all of these coaches. It reminds me of Dino Spumoni from Hey Arnold, and that is a very good sign. Eat your heart out, Niumatalolo.

Explanation: This guy was pretty good at Bowling Green and has not yet coached a game at Syracuse. It’s doubtful the Orange will be very good anytime soon, but if anyone can bring back the glory days of Marvin Harrison, Donovan McNabb, and Dwight Freeney, it’s definitely a guy named Dino Babers. I’ve got a great feeling about this man.