A definitive ranking of Notre Dame football’s facial hair

The tight ends are leading the charge in fall camp, but Notre Dame has always been a place where players and coaches feature some sharp facial hair.

Back in early August, we were introduced to one of the most intense competitions heading into Notre Dame’s fall camp. No, not the battle for quarterback. I’m talking about who has the best facial hair.

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The team’s three active tight ends – Nic Weishar, Tyler Luatua and Durham Smythe – are all sporting some slick whiskers this year, but don’t let that fool you into thinking they’re the only ones with impressive bristles.

Indeed, so many in the Irish program sport scruff, we’ve limited our rankings here to only those with fully developed mustaches, beards, chinstraps, goatees and the like. No fuzz on the upper lift or scraggly neard from people who forgot to shave before picture day.

But beyond that, anything goes. Players can best coaches, coaches can top players. Points were given for originality, cleanliness and overall thickness. So, without further ado, in reverse order…

No. 21: Tyler Luatua, TE

Yikes. Let’s start off with the weakest of the bunch by far. Maybe it’s just the lighting, but Luatua’s stache is by far the worst of the tight ends, looking patchy and wispy and practically non-existent on the right side. Not a great way to distinguish yourself from a crowded field at your position, Tyler.

No. 20: Colin McGovern, OL

Some people shouldn’t grow facial hair. That’s just a fact. Doesn’t make ’em any better or worse than those that should, it just makes ’em different. Colin McGovern should not grow out his facial hair. The picture above is just a hint of the whole ensemble. A mustache that looks like it is prematurely balding would not be totally damning. But check out his official team head shot.

That’s not good, folks. Neard plus weak ‘stache does not combine for a good look. It just seems like you have a lot of fuzz on your face.

No. 19: Jay Hayes, DL

On the other hand, Jay Hayes can most certainly grow facial hair. He just needs to get a trimmer and focus less on the neard and more on crafting a top-to-bottom, lip-to-cheek-to-chin beard. He definitely has the volume.

But right now what we’re dealing with are whiskers that seem to have grown more from laziness than any real desire to cultivate a nice beard. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to shave, and heavens know Hayes and his teammates are busy enough to skip it every once in a while. But that doesn’t mean Hayes doesn’t falter in comparison to some of his more folically-concerned teammates.

No. 18: Hunter Bivin, OL

If Bivin had kept his beard as it was back in 2014, he might be higher up in these rankings. While the lack of connection between mustache and chin strap cost him, it’s thick yet well maintained, as any good beard should be. But things deteriorated rapidly.

That’s unkempt, sloppy and kinda gross. Neards are almost impossible to pull off, and Bivin cannot pull off the impossible.

 No. 17: Andrew Trumbetti, DE

Many of the same criticisms apply here. It’s not that Trumbetti’s facial hair is necessarily all that bad. It actually has potential. But the scruff look makes it seem like his beard is more a result of laziness than anything else, and if that’s the case, you gotta grown it real long to make it look cool.

The only reason Trumbetti tops Bivin is that his blonde fuzz blends in better than Bivin’s brunette, which kind of looks like fungus.

No. 16: Jake Flint, Strength and Conditioning Coach

via UND.com

If Jake Flint isn’t proof that there can be too much of a good thing, then I don’t who is. That goatee is impressive in the most frightening of ways. It’s almost too long, making you wonder what he’s hiding under there. What chin could support such an intense piece of facial air? Why doesn’t he grow out the rest of his beard? Unfortunately, the answers to these questions lie behind a pair of eyes that possess a truly incredible manic quality.

No. 15: Devin Butler, CB

The picture above doesn’t fully convey what Butler’s facial hair looks like today. Take a stroll through Devin Butler’s Twitter, and you’ll get a better idea.

The concept is solid, nothing too fancy with a thin mustache and goatee. But the execution is lacking. The absence of a connection between the stache and the goatee is particularly harmful, and the chin action looks like it is allowed to grow wild, and it still doesn’t get that long.

No. 14: C.J. Sanders, WR

At first glance, C.J. Sanders has the look of a guy who hasn’t shaved in a long time and can’t be bothered to any time soon. But a closer look reveals that there has to be some grooming going on here. His neck is clean, his upper lip is mostly clear, and there’s a sharp line where he trims along his cheek.

It’s a perfectly solid look, but nothing special. What’s really holding it back is that “mostly” in “mostly clear.” Sanders needs to commit wholeheartedly to the chin strap or let it grow fully for the complete beard.

No. 13: Asmar Bilal, LB

https://twitter.com/NDFootball/status/765592482365177857

Asmar Bilal has a very understated facial hairstyle, opting for an interesting combo of the pencil mustache and the goatee. It suits him well. While not overly impressive, it does showcase his ability to grow some whiskers and groom them appropriately.

Unfortunately for him, there’s just not enough volume to climb any higher in the rankings.

No. 12: Mark Harrell, OL

Harrell could’ve been much higher on this list. I mean, just look at that bushy beard he was sporting this winter! It’s a classic offensive lineman look, and he wears it very well, looking every inch the mountain of gruff and tough he is.

But…

https://twitter.com/MarkHarrell_75/status/735257988961869824

Huh??? Why did he shave it? It was great! It was awesome! Beards that big take time and a lot of care, but come on, Mark. You’re killing me.

No. 11: Josh Adams, RB

https://twitter.com/NDFootball/status/763722075282350081

Josh Adams has what, technically speaking, must be called a chin strap, though the said strap is definitely patchy and could use some work. But right around his chin, things sort themselves out, and that’s what puts him as high as he is on this list. From straight on, all you really see from Adams is that chin action, and it is very strong. Not quite a neard, not quite a goatee, Adams has a look that is distinctly his own and goes very well with his long face.

As for Montgomery VanGorder… Well, let’s just pretend that whatever is on his chin is Cheeto dust or something.

No. 10: Nic Weishar, TE

You saw Weishar’s original Fu Manchu mustache in Luatua’s post above, and based off that alone, he would be top five on this list with ease. While I personally don’t care for the Fu Manchu, Weishar can actually kind of pull it off, and no one else is doing it, giving him points for originality.

But as the picture directly above shows, Weishar has neglected to keep up the rigorous grooming routine such facial hair requires. As it is now, we can see the outline of where the mustache used to be, and his attempts to convert it into a mustache/goatee aren’t helping things.

Lastly, is it just me, or does Weishar seem to have a lot of grey stubble?

No. 9: Tyler Newsome, P

Newsome falls into Bilal’s category of sharp, well-defined facial hair that lacks the volume to be next-level good. While Newsome doesn’t connect his little chin patch to his mustache, you get the feeling he could if he was so inclined.

Last year, Newsome gained notoriety for his flowing, curly locks. This season, he might get more attention for his crisp facial stylings.

No. 8: Durham Smythe, TE

Ok, I’ll admit it: Smythe is definitely higher on this list than he should be. His mustache, while certainly not terrible, is nothing special and rests upon his upper lip with nothing to distinguish itself.

Except for one uncanny resemblance.

Via MovieActors.com

It would be creepy if it weren’t so perfect.

No. 7: Malik Zaire, QB

It’s too bad Brian Kelly isn’t picking his starting quarterback based on facial hair, because that would make his job a whole lot easier. While DeShone Kizer should absolutely not ever try to grow his out, Malik Zaire has a pretty nice beard going on.

Concentrated around his jaw bone, Zaire’s stubble almost looks like a chin strap, but it definitely is not. Rather, he has a fully formed beard that, while not wildly thick, looks like something a grown man can grow and maintain. In other words, you can tell he has to trim to keep things under control, not strain to grow that much.

No. 6: Tarean Folston, RB

Speaking of people who don’t seem to have any trouble growing out their facial hair, Tarean Folston has quite the impressive beard going on at the moment. Like Zaire, it’s clear from the clean lines on his face that Folston trims and maintains his facial hair. Unlike Zaire, however, Folston has got some great volume from ear to chin. His mustache is better too.

No. 5: Keith Gilmore, Defensive Line Coach

The elder statesman of this list, Keith Gilmore’s mustache and soul patch could have been a terrible look for the graying defensive line coach. Soul patches are tricky at the best of times.

But Gilmore nails it with his distinguished gray ensemble. And what’s best, the soul patch ties the whole thing together. Just a mustache could have been a little weird, but the soul patch makes it look both deliberate and magisterial. For a coach, you can’t ask for much more than that.

No. 4: Avery Sebastian, S

When you’re as old as Avery Sebastian, now entering his sixth collegiate season, there’s no excuses for having facial hair that’s anything other than crisp and sharp.

And Sebastian certainly delivers on that count. Leave it to the old man on the team to show pretty much everyone how it’s done with a well-trimmed, extensive stubble that really showcases how much of a man among boys Sebastian is, at least when it comes to facial hair.

And unlike Weishar, no gray, so he gets the best of both worlds.

No. 3: Torii Hunter Jr., WR

Torii Hunter Jr. edges Avery Sebastian solely based on volume. Whereas Sebastian’s facial hair can sometimes blend in because it is so subtle, Hunter’s is unmistakably present and sharp. The chin strap works very well for him, as if the fact that he’s engaged to a model isn’t proof enough of that.

Hunter clearly cleans up the scruff when necessary, and rather than go for a thin pencil mustache, he does away with it completely (take notes, C.J. Sanders), and looks better for it.

No. 2: Nick Coleman, CB

Nick Coleman has an old man beard, and I mean that as a huge compliment. You typically don’t think of cornerbacks as the ones to sport great big bushy beards. That typically goes to the offensive linemen or burly defenders. But that’s precisely what makes Coleman’s so impressive. He’s not the biggest guy on the field, but he’s definitely got the biggest beard.

There’s so much to like about this beard. It looks extremely well-kempt, has great volume all over the face and even looks unique, with more emphasis down low without making the mustache look weak. And based off the early reports from fall camp, Coleman is playing even better than his beard looks.

No. 1: Brian VanGorder, Defensive Coordinator

On a team full of young college students, the prize for best facial hair had to go to a grown man, a man with years of experience and time to try on different looks and see what works best for him. That man in Brian VanGorder.

Say what you will about VanGorder’s complex defensive scheme and underwhelming results over the past few years, there’s no denying the man can rock the hell out of a goatee and mustache.

There are a lot of subtle variations to take in here. He’s got the soul patch connected, the soul patch floating free, no goatee and a pretty thin mustache and a very thick and luxurious one from his younger days.

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It’s impressive stuff, and it leaves no doubt: When it comes to variety, creativity, depth and volume, Brian VanGorder has Notre Dame’s best facial hair.