Notre Dame Recruiting: Just Go Get All the St. Browns

Notre Dame recruiting could be a little easier with the St. Browns.

At this point, it’s common knowledge that Notre Dame football contains in its offensive arsenal one of the best names in college football – Equanimeous St. Brown.

Insiders have talked about the sophomore-to-be as a potential starter in the 2016 season, and he has been lauded for his athleticism, length, work ethic, and haircut. Brian Kelly was even quoted at one point about his abilities, saying that if it weren’t for the fact that he was behind Will Fuller on the depth chart in 2015, St. Brown would have contributed a great deal more than the mostly-special-teams (including a spectacular blocked punt against USC) he was allowed to give ND last season.

So, with all that being said about his incredible skill and potential, the Notre Dame program has set its sights on bringing his younger brothers into the fold as well. Osiris St. Brown and Amon-Ra St. Brown, in the high school classes of 2017 and 2018, respectively, are considered even better than their older brother was in high school, and are top prospects on many schools’ recruiting big boards. In fact, Amon-Ra, the youngest and currently the smallest of the three (Equanimeous is 6’4″ and Osiris is 6’2″, while Amon-Ra is currently about 6’0″ or 6’1″, depending on the recruiting site you look at), is considered a possible 5-star receiver in his class with a fantastic blend of speed, strength, hands, and route-running ability.

But I’m not here to talk too much about how Osiris’ and Amon-Ra’s skills would fit into the Notre Dame offense because it’s clear they would.

Nay, I’m here to pitch to the Notre Dame coaches and to the St. Brown family members alike that, if Osiris and Amon-Ra come to Notre Dame, the Irish could start three wide receivers from the same family at the same time (probably a first in NCAA history, or at least since maybe the late 1800s when teams probably consisted of large families of overly aggressive sons), and almost certainly also break records for longest combined name length for a starting receiving corps.

For as you may already know, the St. Brown boys not only have awesome first and last names, but several fantastic middle names to sweeten the deal. Equanimeous’ full name is Equanimeous Tristen Imhotep J. St. Brown. Osiris’ full moniker is Osiris Adrian Amen-Ra J. St. Brown. Amon-Ra’s full name? It’s Amon-Ra Julian Heru J. Patrick Sullivan Is Awesome St. Brown.

And although I may have added everything after the “J.” in Amon-Ra’s middle name, the absurd length of names for these guys is jaw-dropping. Combined, their names contain 83 letters and 108 characters. That’s about 3% of this article, for crying out loud.

I think the equipment managers should make an exception for these three brothers, and print their full legal names on the backs of their jerseys. If it has to form a circle around their numbers, so be it. Defensive backs would be too busy trying to read their names as they ran fly routes every play and would never be able to defend against the pass (also, act like any USC Trojans would be able to pronounce the brothers’ names with ease, adding to their overall confusion).

Notre Dame could place three players in the top 25 names in college football, and also start an entire family of brothers at one time, which can only be a good thing as the three will have great rapport and camaraderie with each other. Just imagine if the Shipleys and McCoys all played on the same Texas team – that’d be a lot of undersized roommates with great connections, right? Now imagine more physically gifted and talented players doing the same thing.

Absolutely perfect.